Avatarial Biography
If you haven't read what I've posted, please do. Rate accordingly, and leave a comment. If enough people want more, I'll post more, but I'm having difficulty getting motivation to write..

Please
Login to post comments
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
At 11:18 pm
gabbes
Said :
|
0
|
|
|
|
again..... i tried to read. your "explanations" because that is what they are, are too involved. they slow the story down. Secondly, and I hate to do this, but your style of writing, though cohesive, is halting and slugish. It makes me stop every second to work out not only what your saying, but to simply read from action to action. there is no smoothness here. no rhythm..... jesus alstyr, i'm not going to say this sucked, because it didnt. but what i will say is that it need work. refinement. you need to take some time and make it lighter, make it somewhat superfical and yet, be descriptive, catch the attension without holding it in one spot every ten seconds
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|