So much shit goes on.

Saturday 18th October 2008 -
Today has been fairly … Quiet, should I say. Basically, all that had happened was that I sat here, listening to various songs including “Happy Ending” by Mika. Of course, one thing did go wrong - Just like every other day of my disastrous life. This time, the problem was that two of my three best friends had practically fallen out. Holly decided she’d shut off her emotions because she “Couldn’t take it anymore” and soon hurt Stuart by accusing him of being a dick lately. Stuart replied “Funny, Isn’t it. I haven’t done anything to her”, and soon went offline. This is when I lectured Holly, because I didn’t like to see my two friends fighting. Before long, the situation was brought back into hand when Holly apologized to Stuart and he accepted the apology.
This riddle was somewhat similar to yesterday’s. On the 17th, Amber, who is also one of my best friends, fell out with Holly when she said to her “Holly, you’re turning out like this person I really can’t stand”. Holly replied “Oh, joy. Go and not stand me then.” I broke down at this point, because I had enough on my mind and this pushed me towards exploding. The reason to why Amber couldn’t stand Holly was because of a lot of reasons; one being that she hated Holly’s craving to have a baby and become a teenaged mother. I ended up telling them to make up because it was driving me insane and logged off. Today was when I found out that they had made up and so, I’m fairly happy.
Oh, and of course, yesterday was Friday. As you know, this day is when I have History and Maths, the two lessons that … Ricky is in. I (Luckily) managed to survive History with only making eye contact with him once. Throughout the whole of the lesson after that, I was safe. But Maths was, as I had expected, even harder. This is the lesson where he talks most.
Before the lesson had started, I and the rest of the class, including Ricky, was standing outside the classroom, waiting for Mr. Dutton to arrive and unlock the classroom door. Maths is one of lessons that I hate most. It’s the only lesson where I hardly know anyone and hence, don’t talk to them often and don’t even try either. So I stand there leaning against the hard wall, looking out the window opposite me, when Ricky walks up and says hello to me in the most flirtatious voice I’ve ever heard. Obviously, he was fooling around as well as playing with my feelings again. I responded “Don’t talk to me,” and edged away when he decided to follow me, keeping up the flirtatious voice, as a way to annoy me.
Inside the classroom, my spirits were even more lowered when I discovered that there was a Maths test. I had not revised, and sure enough, when I first skimmed through the questions, I barely understood any of them. It was a large blur - Recurring decimals, reciprocals, indices, everything. My head started to throb painfully, only to be worsened when Ricky, who sat behind me (Unfortunately), called my name. I turned around, only to be greeting by his voice telling me that I was thick. I ignored this. But when I turned around and picked my pen up, he asked me out. This was in no doubt one of his sick, mind-destroying jokes. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t forget about him. This distracted me from the test even more.
The rest of the lesson seemed to be a large blur to me. The only bit I could remember was the one at the end of the lesson where he smiled evilly and waved whilst I walked out of the classroom, the time being the end of the lesson as well as the end of school. Weekend, at last … But the feeling was no where near happy.
Yesterday was also the day where I found out how everybody had found out about my huge crush towards Ricky. Out of all the suspects - Katherine, Amy, Sally, etc - The person who had blabbed was … Holly Marie Crompton. But, of course, she wouldn’t do that to me as I’m “One of the lucky ones.” And I was right too - She wouldn’t and she didn’t - It was all an accident that she had made.
Holly opened an MSN page and said “You know how Mitch likes Ricky …”, thinking that she was talking to Amber. But when she looked at the bar at the top of the page, it told her that she was in a chat with Chris, one of her large crushes, a person who is really close to Ricky and also the person that caused Holly to shut off her emotions in the first place. At this point, she began to panic and yelled “SHIT, BOLLOCKS, PLEASE, SWEAR TO SECRECY” as well as another few pages worth of content that she wouldn’t tell me about. Chris, luckily, did keep the secret. But before long, he had told Ricky that he had a guy fancying him. Ricky, being himself after all, literally begged Chris to tell him regarding who it was for at least an hour, and then, to my fear, Chris gave in and said … My name. This is when Ricky became a numbie (Which is my word for the people who either spread rumours, believe rumours, or both.) and told people at school who in turn told others, hence, spreading it like an infectious disease.
I couldn’t take it anymore. But life seemed to be piling more and more problems onto my back, slowly building up the unbearable tension. Holly told me that she liked me. I was slightly shocked to hear this, but pretended that everything was okay. She seemed to have noticed this and resulted in cursing herself because she had “Fucked my head up even more” and “Made things between us awkward - that things between us would never be the same again.” I dealt with it rather calmly, but as expected, another problem occurred when my ex-girlfriend, Coral Melia, brought up a conversation between us and said some stuff that I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone … Yeah, that includes you, Diary … Anyway, she resulted in telling me that she was in love with me and that she was depressed because she couldn’t see me regularly since she had moved schools to John Smeaton’s with her little brother, Rhys. All because of the stupid wannabe gangsters at our school … I’m just happy that their big sister, Amber, stayed. I honestly could not live without seeing her every school day. She’s one of the only people that keep me going, and, well, you should know what might have happened if she had left.
Anyway, I asked Coral why she liked me, since I couldn’t see how she could. She ended up saying something that threw me off course - But in a good way. “I think that you’re cute and funny. You’re really great to be around and I don’t know - I feel like when I talk to you I feel like I’m talking to someone who really knows me and someone who actually likes me for who I am.”
I somehow could only agree with this slightly.
Coral also likes two other people. She soon told me that one of them was my best friend, Stuart Lindley. I promised not to tell him, but it’s tempting … He had the right to know …
My feelings for Coral had died out in time. We had been out four times since Summer 2007, a space of one year, one month, one week and four days. At the time, my head was playing tricks on me on why I was crushing on her. I had never actually liked a girl like her before. (Just so you know, Ricky is my most largest crush to far. I’ve never felt anything like what I feel towards him and it beats what I felt for Coral by miles.) Our longest relationship had lasted one month and a few days. We had our usual little arguments every once and a while - but none seemed to have cropped up between us in the past few weeks. I think this was due to the first kiss we had shared together on the 15th September 2008, urged by Coral’s older sister who is also my best friend - yeah, Amber. But to my disappointment, this kiss wasn’t special. It didn’t have that little sparkle that people seem to always talk/think about. I somehow began to doubt that this sparkle was real. I began to think it only existed in the movies.
That next night, on the 16th, everything went wrong. Stuart and Amber had told me that Coral was going on about how I was such an amazing kisser when she suddenly decided that she’d spread rumours that I was a bad one. I was shocked to hear this, but it somehow fitted. At school, she seemed to be acting strange around me, along with Sophie, the new girl. It was obvious to me that Sophie believed the rumour that was slowly infecting the student mind. Anyway, I dumped coral that night on the 16th, and I must say, she did put up a rather fake act regarding her rumours.
It did hurt me to tell her that we were no longer together. It hurt a lot. After a while, I lost it and began to wonder if what Stuart and Amber had said was a mere lie. Yeah, I was stupid, wasn’t I? But I stayed optimistic about things … Until Coral kissed Josh, a friend, right in front of me. I ended up writing about this on a chat site that I like - Testriffic. This was because I didn’t have anyone to talk to it about and was on the verge of breaking down. Holly wasn’t that close to me at the time, my family isn’t the sort of people I get along with and well, it’s obvious why I can’t talk to Coral, Amber or Stuart about it - Because the part about me thinking they were lying was bound to come about.
I wrote:



I've just watched my ex-girlfriend kiss one of my close friends right in front of me. I feel like killing him yet at the same time feel happy for him; because he really likes the girl too. (But I doubt as much as I do.) It's really tearing me apart as I’m literally obsessed with her and have been since Summer 2007. I know she likes me too because she has told me and the only reason we split up was because my best friends said that she was spreading rumours about me; What a dick I was to believe it.

I soon found out that this was a bad idea. Shortly after posting this, I sent Amber it over MSN, forgetting about what was written on the last line. She read through it and ... Well, she left a comment. “Thanks, I appreciate being called a liar on Testriffic. If you don’t believe me then why don’t you just tell me instead of showing me the stupid thing you wrote and acting as if nothing’s happened. Thanks a bundle mate, really appreciate it.”
Anyway, the conversation has changed … Back to talking about when Holly and Coral said they both liked me in under an hour. When Amber came online, which wasn’t long after all this, I told her all about what had happened. She replied rather funnily “Well, if it’s any constellation, I don’t fancy you or feel that way about you. I just think that you have a cute voice and that’s pretty much it. Plus, you’re like the brother I never had. (I class Rhys as more of an annoying sister.)”
This cheered me up a lot. But then again, why wouldn’t it? Amber’s always got the power to make me feel better. I love her. She’s like a big sister to me.
The next problem is orientated around this girl at school called Katherine Green. I have a strong suspicion that she has fallen for me. For one, Everytime I walk up to the reasonably large group I hang around with, she seems to always be the first person that says hello to me. Another is that she seems to be really open around me and actually let me hug her. She even let me go as far as touching her bra strap - I was only testing her, of course.
I have only told this to Holly, Stuart and Amber - All three of my best friends. And unsurprisingly, all three of them laughed. (Except Amber, who said “EWWW!”.) Katherine and me don’t match. At all. And if she ever does tell me that she fancies me, it’d cause problems. Plus, Katherine has liked me once before …
Finally, the last problem is that I think I’m suffering from SAD. (Seasonal Affected Disorder.) This is a disorder that causes severe depression problems, caused by the lack of Sun and warmth - Meaning it is most powerful in Winter, and as the days get shorter, it will become even more severe. Unfortunately, the season right now is winter - And the days are getting shorter.
I should get to bed now. It’s half one in the morning. Usually, I’d want to finish of my entry in a positive way, but right now, there is nothing positive to say …