numb

Painful memories circling my mind like buzzards over a carcass. Thoughts that I think, they disgust  me. Most of them have to do with love and trying to be happy. But that just doesnt seem to be for me. Unrelenting misery. I see things when I look into others eyes, but is it the same for them. Do they see whats hidden behind my windows to the soul? Do they know what I've done? What I've thought about? Every attempt to find happiness ends in heartache. I constantly seem to be hurting others. Physically and emotionally. I wonder if theres a lost and found for emotional organs. My heart has been lost and if it is to be found by someone, keep it, I no longer have a use for it. Thats whats behind my eyes...