Time Chaser

Once again, I find clarity in this solitude of my unforgiving home. To say that this is just about you, and all that you consume in me, would be a lie. I've told lies...some big, some small, some white, some black...
But this isn't the first time for any of this anyway.  There is so much vulnerability in sharing the way we feel.

I wish we could go  back to the way things use to be. To  blame you for all my depression would be a cop-put. I have myself to blame for letting this get to this point. The savagery is knowing that it was coming all along. Perhapse I still contain a bit of self loathing. The meds they put me on when I was younger were placebos. To think that maybe it was all in my head....I must be clearly insane. Or perhaps, just maybe. Sanity is the only way to ensure that you're spirit is still alive. If it takes mundayne monotiny to ensure a passive, credible life; then damn me now. Damn us now. Damn the world.

If I could make tomorrow yesterday, I'd paint it white. Not anyhting vibrant, or telling. Pure, white, unknowing, un...assuming. Letting yesterday slip away. It doesn't matter anymore - my lungs have grasped new air. I've woken up alive. The sun is no where to be seen -but who cares!  We don't need the sun to light up the morning we've found. But I've found nothing. The dank dew, the black curtian over my windows. Sometimes I hate this place. If you were here, it wouldn't be as miserable. But it would still be miserable. I find myself bending until I nearly break in half to the weight of this denile that I am in. This pitfall with no doors, no chutes, no ladders. There is no exit apparent here.  Can I be more. Can you be more?Or will our sick human nature destroy us all. I wish...It was yesterday. When we were all a little bit cleaner.