Trying to Find It

I'm trying to find a way.

I'm trying to be who I used to be,

But everytime I try,

I get sucked back in to the place I don't want to be.

I know people think they understand.

Maybe it's true,

But right now, I don't need to be understood.

Right now, that doesn't matter.

All that matters finding a way out;

A way back;

To being better;

To being me.

The path I'm on isn't horrible.

In fact, I've been getting alot better,

But changing a little isn't enough.

And instead of doing something about it,

All I can do is write about it...

And that doesn't help, either.

I wish it did because then my problems would be solved.

I just need help.

I need my current friends to understand that I do love them,

But I'm not them.

I need my past friend to understand that I am trying,

But I don't think she does.

I'm pretty sure she belives I'm all talk,

Which is a big deal to me.

It's happened before, it'll happen again.

I just need faith.

I need hope.

I'm just not sure where to find it.

I get negative feelings from family.

I get attitude from friends.

I just need to find a way out.

I need to pick a way and be consistent.

I can't just sit here and write or I'll never do anything,

But right now, that's all I can do.

Maybe when I'm older;

Maybe when I find my nerve...

But no matter what,

I'll still always be

Trying to find it.