I feel apart

Cursed again by the violence of another bad day, and they all ran past me through the rain. The indignation of being spat in the face by the gods clear in their expressions. I walk slowly letting the spit soak through, letting it run down my face, I don't need to be loved, not even by the universe.

As I look at them all running I feel apart, I see my reflection in the windows and feel apart, I watch the dancing reflections in the gutters and on the streets. The neon lights all cut up and shimmering, their beauty wants to live inside of me but I am too cold. Too cold even for the rain or the clouds or the nighttime, too cold to see or feel.

I am looking for that sign reflected, that neon EXIT sign to show me the way. Calling me across the street it would show me the door, that one that leads to the way out. But there never is a way out is there, always somewhere else to go to. My mamma says that the EXIT door leads to hell and my father says you can never really tell where doors lead to  until you go through.

I walk and I walk but there is no door, none to speak of at all. I reach the steps of my house, the warm lights inside glow, warm people inside glowing, I feel apart.

R. A. Purdy.