My Lost Soul

As i sit here alone
The clouds begin to build
The longer i sit the thicker they get

Its like im trapped
Trapped by all the thoughts that control me
That just build up without being noticed

I begin to move
Yet my body is still
Its like im no longer in this world
But in my own

I walk down the hall
Looking for something thats clear
And while im looking i feel sharp pains

The pains shoot around inside me
With no specific origin
No destination to be known

Yet with these pains it seems easier to walk
Easier to see

When i reach the end of the hallway i see something
Its glowing with such a beautiful light
The light is vibrant
Yet it doesnt blind me

I walk slowly towards it
The closer i get the more i can see what the object is...
Its a picture of you

Now slowly my head begins to swirl
Starts out slowly and climbs at a constant pace
It climbs until im in a whirlwind

I sit spinning
Lost and confused by the blurry images before me
Yet that one image of you is clear
It seems to guide me

I want so desperatly to walk towards it
But i cannot move
Cannot breath
Cannot think of anything but you

Slowly my heartbeat speeds up
My breaths shorten
My blood heats up

I realize im losing control
Control of everything
Everything that has been me

I let myself fall
And as i fall your picture is still clear
And the light that guides me brightens

Now nearing the bottom of my fall
I cry out to you
Yet you do not hear me
You dont even break stride in your sentence

Crashing at the bottom of my mind
Im broken and lost
I stay still on the ground
And i lose consciousness

I awake in what seems hours later
I feel the dampness of my blood all around me
I search for the source of the blood on the ground
Yet i dont have a scratch

I rise to my feet
And I look around and can see nothing
The world is dark and cold
I start to walk in search of anything

While im walking i find a bloody object on the ground
As i walk towards it, it becomes clear
I realize its part of my heart
The heart that was shattered in my fall
The fall from grace when i realized you were never to be mine

And in realizing my hear is broken i collect it up
Yet i dont put it back together

I put the pices in a pile
A pile of defeat and pain

Now as i walk away i realize there is something in my hand,
And the object feels warm
I look down and realize its a razor

I stare blankly at the blade for what seems like days...
When i eventualy snap out of my daze i turn slowly
Not just to take a second look at what was my heart
But to see why i was given the blade

I sit down where i am at
Lift my arm and the blade
I put the blade to my arm
And as i drag it down the vein i can feel the explosion of warmth
The first warmth i have felt since i saw your beautiful smile

As the blood flows down my arm i begin to cry
But not tears for the pain of the cuts
Or pain for my loss...
The tears are for my lost soul

The soul that will wander eternaly alone
And as it wanders alone
It carries the heavy burden of making that fatal error in not saying three simple words
The words that are carved forever into my arm....I Love You....