3 steps forward, 2 steps back, repeat

so intense

you drag us to the end

every time i give in

every fall

strong at first

you whither me

i die inside, slowly

surely like a leaf

at first a blessing

seemingly so

three steps forward

two steps back

like the world

at first,

but we whither

we are weak

fewer words 

come to mind

so each has more weight

two steps forward

three steps back

i fall  into

past rhythms 

years ago

when i was young

when i was sick

i couldn't move

because in my head

you were perched

on my final nerve

you made a home

make me miserable

make me feel dead inside

once so alive

no spark

now paranoid

i hold a gun

a secret i keep

secret weapon

but paranoid

i am scared

i shake

half awake, but tired

i am tired

my sore eyes feel raw

under contact lenses

too paranoid

to sleep blind 

three steps forward

two steps back

what am i waiting for?

weathered as i feel

whithered as i am

another year

reassessment 

of my obstacles;

rationale

mixed with free will

Another year

a living hell

on my last nerve

you have nested

when i was young

along i was strung

you helped me to hate

my will made strong 

marionettes and

papier mache,

origami balloons

long days in my room

i wasn't alone

playing those games

i never felt alone

though i was

or was it love

sent down from above--

those convenient

all too convenient

i'd rather not 

three steps forward

two steps back