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a smily smirk of discrease

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a smile a tear

a smile a tear

Views (96) Pain Created on 5-30-07 Flag

  Dead in her mind cold to the bone

she opend her eyes to see she was alone.

she cried and she cried but no one appeard, 

so she put her hand on the gun and  her finger on the triger 

and in a wisper said goodbye to toughs who left me here 

goodbye to thoughs who love me so much but not enough to care.

now its quit so silent, the dead silent tears run down the girls face. 

And yet trough all the pain shes been trough she still 

has a smilly smirk on her pretty face of discrease    

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On July 1st 2007 lyonsfool03 Said :
lyonsfool03 That is one awesome poem. Keep up the awesome words
On May 30th 2007 happii Said :
my picture
Wow. That's deep.
On May 30th 2007 alonmendez Said :
alonmendez when it comes to poetry, sometimes even the style of the letters and verses are important. this is called graphic poetry. the lines you slashed across the words complement your theme (suicide though not by gun but still effective.). however, an undesired ambiguity is effected as this may mean she's hesitant and ruins the whole theme. i like the theme and the fact that you're using free verse though... the simplicity of the language evokes much sadness. there is depth but to a certain extent only. yes, you are a poet. you showed, you didn't tell. that's what poets are supposed to do. you've got potential. imagery was very effective; i like it. the use of iron and oxymoron is very provocative; oh, i love it. repetitious use of 'dead' and 'silent' stirs an atmosphere of despair a sort of sadness impenetrable to light (hope) and sound (hope, again) as it is 'dead' and 'silent'. this is the first poem i liked in this site. thank you. you have to keep writing. 1 point for you!
On May 30th 2007 mydadismissing Said :
mydadismissing i like it but it has alot todo with my life