There's always a part..

And it’s getting easier to forget him, well at least to shove all thoughts of him to the back of my mind. But I can never get rid of him completely. He’s always there no matter how hard I try to make him leave. There’s always a part of me that misses her best friend, her favorite brother, one of the best persons in her life. Always a part of me that just keeps running through all the old memories and cries because those memories end with a goodbye. Always a part of me that says she’ll do anything to have him in her life again. Always a part of me that loves him.

And sometimes, ill just lay awake at night thinking about him. Wondering why I didn’t see this coming. Wondering if this hurt him at all. Wondering if he still cares or loves me. Wondering if he’s felt guilty for hurting me this much, wondering if he’s shed at least one tear, if he misses me at all. Wondering if this could possibly be hard for him at all, or maybe everything he’s ever said or done was a lie. Wondering if he ever sees me in his mind, crying in his arms.

And then there’s a part of me that doesn’t want him back.