Shards of Glass

I sit here in front of a glaring computer screen, those cutting words slicing my skin, breaking my heart, shattering my emotions like shards of glass across the floor.

And as tears slide down the path they know so well, I stare at a picture of the person that I just lost.

The person who I just said goodbye to.

And the person who didn't care that we had to say goodbye.

I loved him. I truly did. I still do. My heart still reserves a place for that feeling--my first love--the first person who I was willing to die for, to leave everything for.

Even as I hate him, even as I tell myself he was never who I thought he was, I know differently.

He is the same.

It is me that is different.

My eyes continue to burn with their frozen tears as I type words that mean nothing and everything, words that people will read and understand because they went through the same. So many words...and not one of them describes what I feel.

And the love that I feel shrivels inside of me as I read one simple word.

Goodbye.

It's real, then. This is it. The end. We're finished.

And I did it, I ruined it, I took this thing that was so precious to me and threw it against the ground, breaking it, not knowing just how much I would miss it when it was gone.

Involuntarily I find myself staring at his face again. Pain--such pain--spurs throughout my entire body. I find myself doubled over, hands pressed to my damp face, fingers struggling to wipe away tears that refuse to cease.

Memories of what we once had...I sit, reminiscing, gazing upon his sweet face, unable to come to terms with the fact that...

He is gone.

I have lost him.

I have shoved him away.

Each feeling that I have, each emotion that I feel, each tear that I shed, each inch of my heart that cracks slowly like a mass of ice...

It changes nothing.

Still I sit here.

Alone.