how much i hate you

This pain is so unbearable
the woundes are clear to see
they arnt just little scratches
that i can guarantee

when i said ive had enough
you thought i was joking
but i made up my mind
when i was choking

you told me you wouldnt abuse me
but that just did not stop
you always made me feel like shit
and you pushed me over the top

you made me feel like nothing
like i wasnt even there
so i decided to leave
and you didnt even care

then you called me the next day
to make me come back home
i didnt want to listen
so i just hung up the phone

you almost killed me that day
and you just want me to go right back
i know im worth more than you
theres a lot of skills that you lack

i couldnt put up with you any longer
so i ran away
i was so scared of you
and i still am to this day

i know that deep inside
you still are my mum
but other days ive had enough
and i just wanna shoot you with a gun

blow a bullet in your head
and then the pain is gone
everything will be peaceful again
and a new day has dawn

but i know its not that easy
i cant just make you die
even though i hate you
it would still make me cry

in my heart im all torn up
and i dont know what to do
i know that i hate you
but i know i love you too

and i hate loving you
because i hate you so much more
and really i would do anything
to see your dead body on the floor

and i know all this is horrible to say
but im telling no lies
deep inside im so confused
she has bought me my demise