Baby Brother

I miss him the most on holidays

thats when I feel like my life is in disarray

I miss his gifts that come straight from his heart

I miss his smile that lights up a room

those dimples that let him get away with everything

the hole in my heart says I'm now missing something

his sensitivity made him popular with everybody

but it was his intelligence that kept us all captivated

his smile and laugh were infectious

the thoughtfulness that came with him made us fall in love

I think of all the times he used that to his advantage and laugh

my birthday and his birthday aren't the same anymore

nobody who knew him doesn't not remember his birthday hugs

every fiber of my beings aches missing him

I imagine it feels like that for everybody

yet the degrees differ based on knowledge

so how do I really enjoy a holiday again

listen to the birds in the morning and not think

"He probably did this sometimes too"

when will these holidays get better, easier to deal with

how will the pain start to recede, gradually or just vanish

either way I just want it gone

I wish...the longing would disappear

and...the acceptance of his death would show up

but...it hasn't happened in almost two years

so when will it, if ever?