wanting to be whole again

longing to love is something i pray
to do everyday. i've never been the
same since i lost my first true love. i
still love but not like i used to. i gave
my heart to everyone. yes i got hurt
alot but at least i did my best. lately
i don't care what happens to me or
my life. i just want to sit in my room
and cry. my heart is broke my love is
gone. my eyes are damp with all the
love i've cried out of my system.

i want to live and breathe for today.
i want to be able to look at the worst
situation and know that something
good will happen because of it. i used
to look at things like that. give me the
worst possible event and i'll tell you what
good things will come out of it. i want
to be able to feel loved and safe. i always
look over my shoulder when i walk.

i want to love you like i've never loved
anyone before. but my hearts not in it.
i want to end my life and don't care what
happens later. i miss how i used to wake
up with a smile when we were together.
i want to feel what i felt when you were
mine and i could love you without feeling
scared. now that your gone and our love
is not there i'm cold and dead on the
inside.

there's only an ounce of feeling and love
left in my heart. and i want you to have it
but i don't know how to feel the way i used
to. i've tried and tried to got back to the way
i was but everytime i failed my wrists got cut.
i was sick of rejection so i locked my feelings
up and i want to access them back but i cant
i've locked them up and thrown the key and
there's now no way to go back to me.

i've cried all my tears and my loves run dry.
i want you back but i don't know how to love
anymore. i'm sick of trying and fighting for
my life. i just wanna let go and stop fighting
for control of my tears. i'm tired of crying.
i used to cry out of happiness but that's when
you were mine. so tonight i will cry my lasy
tear drop and tonight i will listen to my last
sad song. because tonight i'm ending my pain
of not being close to you.

whats left of the love i once knew will always
be there for you. so tonight i'm laying down
and cutting my wrist one last time and by
tomorrow i wont be anyones burden and
tomorrow you'll cry one time and then i'll be
forgotten. love was something i knew and
now i don't. i wish i could be the same sweet
girl i once was but i can't be. tears spilling
over my lashes as i cry for the last time thinking
of what i had and lost when i was with you
and when i lost you...your the only person i
saw in my future. but tonight that dies along
with this long dead heart in my chest.