darkangel726

needs work constructive criticism please

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My Poems

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To Write Love On Her Arms

Views (106)

Created on 10-15-07

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To save her life would be

Of great hope. She

Would only be lost as a last

Resort. For they believed she could live

In this world

That needs more love for

Everyone.

Lost she was

Once and then she was found and

Vowed a life with

Enough plus more.

On her arms

No longer would there be

Harm or suffering, for

Everyone around her

Relieved her of this weight.

As she thanked them and gave up her

Razor, everyone was

Marveled by her bravery that

So many wished they had….

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On November 20th 2007 samobo Said :

	i've been meaning to read this for a long time..finally got around to it..it good..kinda didnt know where it was going for a bit..but then when i figured it out it all made sense..haha..i dont make sense..i like it..

On October 20th 2007 LostSoul1121 Said :

	This is amazing!! I love it! I never thought of trying something like that. Its so creative. IKeep up the great work and please keep me posted on any new poems you write!

On October 20th 2007 samwhitheath Said :

	I like it, sometimes the flow s a little disturbed but it is good and doesn't need that much improvement. These types of poems are hard to write and I think you did a great job. Some of the words are wedged in there a little tight but other than those two things I don't see anything wrong with it. if you ever need a thesaurus or rhyming dictionary, I find that rhymezone.com helps. It doesn't make you any less of a writer for using it. They have everything on there to help you write. Good Luck!

On October 17th 2007 mcihellejane Said :

	I was a bit confused at first until the the middle. I've never tried one of this style so I don't want to say too much-it has to be difficult..I think a little more clarity at the beginning would be good. And as some others said some more "fluff" words might help a little. I think that the thought you put into it is very good and the basic layout is good-you have a wonderful start!!

On October 17th 2007 ESCAPEDFROMGOD Said :

	This is pretty cool how you used the title for initials. I havn't seen this style before. As for what's wrong with it, not much but it could be better. Keep reading it to yourself and you will find the answers you seek.

On October 16th 2007 darkangel726 Said :

	thanx guys, =) i'll do some revising when I get the chance

On October 15th 2007 poet77 Said :

	need more descriptive words or ones that evoke a stron gpicture in one's mind the skeleton/ logic behind it is great just the word choice seems off

On October 15th 2007 CassieZ Said :

	Yeah I agree with trans , it was really good but diff. word choice would make it more interesting. Nice Job though and keep up the good work! :)

On October 15th 2007 transgenic Said :

	I really like it! Hmm...The words didn't seem to be incredibly powerful [please don't get offended, I know it's hard writing this type of poem]...Maybe it could just use a bit of a different word choice...When I write, I usually find the thesaurus really helpful...I really love the message behind this!

On October 15th 2007 eric101106 Said :

	i think its ok just a little confusing

On October 15th 2007 101091 Said :

	I like it. It didn't end the way I expected it to. Great job.