Future Wife

I want to scream,

I want to cry,

Really I just want to die,

The memories came rushing back,

Taking complete control of my mind,

Which hasn’t happened in a very long time,

I want to hit,

I want to kick,

I can’t take anyone else’s shit,

I’m sick of people playing games with my head,

Sooner or later they’ll all wind up dead,

I’m sick of everyone and everything,

I just can’t bring myself to sing,

About love and joy and happy endings,

When my pain is just beginning,

The things I feel are so intense,

That it doesn’t work to just put up a fence,

To block my heart from your assault,

I’ll need a giant iron wall,

Where to find one, I don’t know,

So would you please just make it easy and go?

Away from me and away from this place,

I need my life back, give me some space,

I need time to figure out who I am,

I need to figure out all I want in a man,

I can’t choose between life and death,

Which would make right of this mess?

The longer I live the more pain I go through,

So why not just end it and start out new?

I could see things from a different view,

If I could do what I need to do,

But I don’t have the guts to accomplish what needs done,

So I guess I’ll just go out, get drunk and have fun,

I need some enjoyment in my life,

I need to age so I can be his wife,

My mind is racing I need to figure it out,

I’m sick of just sitting here I refuse to pout,

I can’t sit here and wallow in my pain anymore,

I refuse to lie here broken on the floor,

I need to get up and change my life around,

I need to stop falling to the ground,

I don’t need anyone’s help; I can do this myself,

I need to find everything I felt,

Before this happened, before I died,

I know I’ve said this before, I know I’ve tried,

But this time is different, its not just for me,

It’s for the man I love, so that he can see,

That I’m not just this crazy chick who wants to end her life,