a poem for no particular reason

sighing.
sitting in the sick twisted class called
geometry.
too many variables.
too many angles.
too many ways
to get the
same
exact
answer.

but no way is right.
I can't split my life
in a two column proof,
explaining each event
with a
theorem
postulate
definition
because my actions
and their consequenses are
random.
undefined and overwhelming.

so I
take a deep breath in
and let it out
and pray to god that my grade
hovers around a B
since "above average"
is the best I can do right now.
83% is all I can get right,
and the other 17% lies
in
the
shits.
words getting messy.
boundaries getting blurry.
looks turning into gazes,
turning back into
nothing
at
all.

he didn't look at me.
yesterday his pupils,
so dark against his wide, open sea eyes,
were drowning the color.

now today,
they were small,
they were distant.
the blue-green that can see right into
my mind,
only saw past me
to the lockers I stood against.
and I felt numb,
because the look came
and went
so fast
that I
...

he left.
leaving me again
to sit and wonder in misery
for the next 2 days
what it meant,
which
theorem
postulate
definition
could possibly explain the change.

my calender runs slow.
one day is an hour
for me.
one day is a week
for him.
the clock ticks,
he moves forward,
but I sit and wait,
hoping hoping hoping
to the second hand
that maybe this week will be
different.
that things will go back.

it's been 3 weeks or so.
months and months for him,
a few hours for me,
and our timing is what broke us.
had I admitted what I felt
that night,
instead of days later,
things might have been different.

but it's easy to see now,
with her sitting 4 seats ahead of me,
that she can keep up,
and I'll always be just
one
day
behind.