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you are the first and last



Another ingestion to take away the
pain, swilled down with apple juice.
As I crackle hysterically in the back of
my mind, I am buried in my tears.
You were the first man to ever make
me cry. The first man to make me ever
feel alive. The first and last man I'll
ever love.

And I feel sorrow sink into my heart.
I can't bare the thought of not having
you. I told you that I wouldn't be able
to follow your path, but I know. I wouldn't
stand living either. For both are torture.
Both are forever. My heart pounds hard
in my throat. And I close my eyes
as I grow sick to my stomach.

You're so tired, your so weary. You want
to let go, but you fight for life. You fight
for the survival instinct. I'm worried that
I'll lose you. That I'll fail you. And today,
you told me it was the first time you
believed in me in a long time. And I felt
so ashamed, I felt so cold.

That I made myself a disappointment
once again in your eyes. You are a
reflection of myself. Of what used to go
on in my head. You say the things I wish
I had the courage to say. And you believe
in things that deserve the believing.
Never has life tasted so bitter, so cold.
Until you told me.. Goodbye.

Until you said those words that you'll
try. That you'll try and give me more time.
Give us more of a chance. Even when the
days bore down on your back, and your
breaking down in empty tears, questioning
on why you can't just sleep for a moment.
And your a fighter. Despite what you say.
You aren't a weak one.
You are strong enough.

You've explained yourself to me.
You've told me you don't want to die.
For me to save you, because your
so tired of being alone. And I understand
as I hold my glass and close my eyes.
And the bed is so warm, but so damn cold.
And I dream, I hope. I wish. That soon
you'll be in my arms, holding me
tightly.

Edging the pain off the edges of
my heart, edging the hurt that surrounds
us both as we lay silent and still.
I quote Shakespeare in my head.
Over and over again the tale of
Romeo and Juliet. How much they're
love mattered.

How much they cared. And even
when I said, I wouldn't follow you.
I know I would. Without doubt my heart
couldn't live. Any journey I'm ready
to confide. And you still take care
of me. And mend my ways, and
you're gentle with me and kind.

You make me feel alive, when
everything is so doomed. And somehow
you always make me smile. That special
smile I wish you could see. When
you tell me you wish you had
something to smile about again.
I wish I could make that come true.

I wish I could tell you I haven't failed
you today. That I have what it takes
to make this relationship become more.
I have eight dollars in my pocket. Eight
billion reasons to make this work.
Eighty million minutes to count your
breath. I wish I can make you rest,
I wish to make you safe. To be your
net.. Your cocoon. To give you the
warmth you'll need.

To watch over you at night as your
heart slowly mends. And I want to
stop being a mess, to stop taking
those pills. To stop tarring myself
into thousands of pieces because I
failed to make it alright for you today.

All it took for you to change me.
Was to say words that sculpted my
life. I love you. How nervous
we both were. I knew in that moment
I'd try my hardest to fight for you.
I'd never fail you. I'd never let you
down. I'd be the one never to
disappoint.

Because I was borne to fail. But your
warmth on those rare occassions is
worth everyday that something goes
astray. And knowing your close, and
your heart is still beating is worth it.
You were the first man that made
me cry. That made me truly feel.
That broke my heart, and mended
in the same day.

You were the man that gave me a
reason to believe. You are the first.
And you'll always be the last.

I am married to you.
Cherished to you.
Made to love you.

You were the first man.
That gave me life.

And you'll be the only man.
To take it away.

You were the first.
Always the first.
To give me the world.
To give me a reason to smile.

You became my everything.
And I know I fail you today.
But, I hope as I close my eyes
to sleep. That tomorrow will
be better. And I'll give you something
to be proud of.

So we both can be together until
time ebbs us away.

You were the first man.

I want you to be my last.





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On October 25th 2007 mrskritter Said: 
mrskritter very nice