This Feeling

What is this feeling?

This feeling that pulls me away from my friends.

This feeling that throws me into the menacing, yet familiar walls of my room.

The very same feeling I have when I hear 'friends' talking about me.

The very feeling that makes me wonder if death could be an answer.

What is this feeling?

This feeling that makes me cry myself to sleep,

That pulls me down whenever I do feel happy.

This feeling that eels like a thick wall of pitch black smoke,

Blinding me and slowly suffocating me.

The smoke blocks out the light and coils around my body,

Turning everyone I love away.

This feeling that makes everything I love crumble to ruin.

That makes me turn to food, sports, or writing as alternatives.

This, that takes joy out of everything I do.

What is this feeling?

This feeling that is shunned by friends,

Breaks my heart and darkens my dreams,

Is ignored by my parents.

This feeling that makes me feel worthless,

Unable to do anything right.

And so I just give up.

What is this feeling?

My parents say it's 'just a phase',

But still all the arrows can only come from one source.

Dare I utter it?