Decisions 4 poems in 1

Am I the One to Blame

Sitting alone
pretty far from home
crying many tears inaudible by human ears
No one can understand
How much I hold in my hands
The sights I see
The words I hear
I hurt to discover they're sincere
I was pulled out of class
to talk of my present and past
I had to tell a lie
so as to let my family get by
In turn my heart is shattered
and my soul is bruised and battered
My whole body is shaking
because of the pain I'm taking
I have no way to let it out
For I refuse to scream and shout
And every time I want to talk
I suppress the urge and walk
I find it hard to tell and adult
because everything becomes my fault
So I sit on the ground
Hoping to turn my life around
until then I cry tears of pain
wondering if I'm the one to blame.


The wandering mind

my mind wanders endlessly as I think to myself
Is this my fault?
What more can I do?
Am I going insane?
All those thoughts are just a few to name
The more violent thoughts come at night
They try to devour me, but I fight
But sleep is my price I pay
For every thought, action and word I say
In turn I'm questioned if I'm on drugs
And bothered by people's daily tugs
Asking me what was wrong
I try to ignore it and move along
Its not that I don't want to tell them...I do
But I wonder if they'd find me true.
Once finding out how would the treat me after?
Would they try to erase it by laughter?
All these things buzzing inside
I really wish I was able to hide
So many memories bring tears to shed
as I try picturing everything done and said.


This is what I've written today....

Important Thoughts
Sitting here thinking of my last friend's reply
"I hope you make the right choice"
and through this letter rings her voice
I so badly want to do the right thing
But I'm worried what It'll bring
I know this choice is mine
But things like this take me time
Time I don't have to give right now
but in a way I do somehow
I guess right now I'm very afraid
of this being another mistake having made
So here I sit and wonder...
Which to do?
It’s hard to understand what I'm going through
But I must make this decision soon
OR I myself will be at ruin.


To My Friends

My mind is through racing about
For I think I've finally figured things out
no more tears, pain or sorrow
Everything starts changing tomorrow
I'm tired of always feeling bad
and appearing like I'm always sad
I’m ready to let go of the thing I’ve held true....
the family that made me blue
And to my friends there's no doubt
I couldn't ever did without
For you guys never let me be
even when I couldn't see
And when my heart came to a slow
You guys refused to let me go
And through the many tears I cried
you've always been by my side
So by going through this I wish to show you
my way of thanking you
and saying I love you too!