Realisation is not always ....

You always wanted another

I pondered and faultered

My answer was no.

For fear of the risks involved.

Last one was fraught with difficulties untold

Dispair and heart break for most of the eight months it went on..

Precious bundle we swaddled and took home

After months of worry we would have none

Then it happened

My clock wasn't on time.

Heart soared and sank at the same time

If that is possible.

Fear of a worse road than before

Cost of more a serious obstacle.

Then today I was told even if I am

It can't be for it would kill me

Wrong place to alight overnight.

Surgery if it is to remedy

but my heart breaks,

why has my body failed me?

If it isn't then prospects are still invasive

Remedy to this is to wait

If pain breaks all is well.

If not I may just be losing something precious.

So many have been lost lately

So many around me are carrying

Sometimes i want another little soul to care for

Other times fear of the last time

 just shatters my dreams and yours my love

Liquidity also posses the age old question.

I know in my heart the answer is no,

but sometimes I wish i didn't know.

Little souls are so precious.

To hold and love.

Losing one is something that scares me,

It was so nearly last time.

He made it , of that I am glad.

But baby maybe but really maybe not ever again.

Reality hurts and so does realisation

That accidents happen and for a reason too

To show you why your innermost dreams can't come true.

It hurts, I won't lie, but it's not for me to decide.

The gods seem to have decided for us.

So heart ache and shame

who is to blame ?

For my body failing me?

And having aspirations that cannot come to fruition.

Dreams for the naive, so I guess now I really know the answer

Forever no more to have!

Only two precious boys it shall be.