Is This the Right Choice?

Alone I have fallen
One room
No emotion
I’m tired.
I fail

The shot rolls gently in my fingers
My thoughts are dark
Selfish, seemingly hollow
I wouldn’t be the first
I wouldn’t be the last

The barrel is long
Unforgiving steel
No mercy
Only relief
One more job

Clack
The chamber opens
I load the shot
I take a breath
Second thoughts

I didn’t realize how cold it’d be
The barrel on my lips
My tounge tastes the bitter steel
I’m afraid
I bite down

Tears now flow
I think of those that I’ll leave
Is there hope?
My finger twitches
I can hear my teeth chatter

There has to be more
what drove me to this
someone stop me
I give up
I’m sorry

this will leave a mess
I hope they ’ll be ok
should I care
they didn’t about me

wait they tried
did they really hope
fully sleep salt blood
fear noI’ma
failure not meant to be
not even my family wants me
 
Click
Nothing
I drop it to the floor
Maybe there is hope?