Violent Violation

He thought I was stupid, he knew I was weak

When he started to touch me, I started to freak

Where was my angel, my saving saint?

When my confidence died and my world went faint

My shell was caressed but all without love

My body was beaten, tortured and shoved

I couldn’t stop shaking, I was so scared

But I still couldn’t run even though I’d despaired

Couldn’t anyone one hear me when I started screaming?

Why didn’t he stop when I started bleeding?

My face was bruised and he bludgeoned my head

I didn’t want to hear all the mean things he said

Why was it me that he chose to defile?

My face full of tears, my throat burns with bile

Nothing would stop him, I wailed and I cried

He said it wont heard, the sick fucker lied

My anguish now only equals my shame

I’m now so confused, who am I to blame?

What made him so evil, so scary and violent?

What made him beat me ‘till I was compliant?

I know that my questions will never have answers

And that my soul’s ridden with inhuman cancers

A cure is my hope, his reasons my dream

I’m yelling so loud, can’t you hear me scream?

If no one could help me, then why would they care?

‘Bout the sick sorry girl, with the pulled out hair

With the cracks on my teeth and the scars my wrists

I aim for happiness but I constantly miss

If I had revenge would it bring me to life?

Would it cut through the darkness, a warmth bringing knife?

Would a light shine and help me to see

That my life is fine and people love me

But I can’t help myself, I know I won’t survive

I know that to my trouble all others are blind

Shadows move to conceal what’s right

For now I dwell lonely, in a land full of blight

Maybe if I forgot I would keep moving on

Like a happy verse in a beautiful song

I could stay with I am and keep moving to death

I know I’m still living because I draw breath

If he could see what he did to my heart

Would he say he was sorry, would he fall apart

All this is uncertain, all this I don’t know

My mind races quickly though I move so slow

My good stable life was shattered like glass

And I keep on waiting for all this to pass

I feel so dirty, I feel repulsive

The need to end it is becoming impulsive

I need to go where I know I am safe

Where he won’t come back and slap my face

Where he won’t shove me down and rip of my shirt

Where he won’t make me empty just to fill me with hurt

I need to see that he can’t hurt my friends

I need to see that threat he is ends

I need to see that he gets what he earned

I need to see that his whole body burns

That’s why tonight I am writing this down

Why they need to know why I won’t be staying around

That’s why I found him after all that he had done

And cut the brakes on the car that he bought for his son

Why soon I’ll go to where he won’t follow

Where I know that my body will not feel so hollow

So people know who to put in jail

After the brakes on his sons care mysteriously fail

So people know why tonight I will end it all

So people know how upset I was after they didn’t hear my call

That’s why I’ll escape from the darkness right now

With a razor and pills I’ll show you how

I’m so calm tonight as I look at the end

I’m so calm tonight because I don’t want to pretend

That I’m still alive with the thoughts in my head

And that though I still feel I am already dead