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Created:
07/22 2009
Views:
104
Category:
Love
My Poems
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38
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River of Life |
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30
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Drowning Depression |
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22
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Bitter Heartache |
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21
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A Worthless Penny |
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13
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Monster Hunt |
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16
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Winter Memories |
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14
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Infant Sun |
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18
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Healing and Grieving |
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17
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Trapped in the Forest of Victoria |
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14
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Our Lot |
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14
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Rotted from the hate |
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10
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Angel of Humanity |
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13
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The Chill |
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15
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Useless Poetry? |
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8
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Haterful Skies |
Summer Peaches
Summer Peaches
Sticky fingers clench the last peach
California picked, in the summer heat
My thumb rubs the fuzz as I remember
The boxes we sold outside of the church
They were white with green labels
Under the blue knot-tied tarp
But having bought a box myself
I ate the sun-warmed fruit in the lot
The juices slid right down my throat
Running past the chin with each bite
I eventually made it to the hard core
Nibbling stray meat and sucking the seed
I wiped my mouth with a beige napkin
Returning my box to my dads red truck
Ready to sell more summer peaches
Unlocking the money-box under the tarp
Now, I bite into my last peach
As a smile curves onto my face
The bitter winter is ahead of me
But who says I cant enjoy the present
Please Login to post comments| On July 22nd 2009 MauiWowies Said: |
| Thanks for the honest crit man, I kinda see what you mean. Ill see about fixig it. I think I wrote a better poem for the competition which Ill post tomorow :) |
| On July 22nd 2009 Vexion15 Said: |
| I see two problems in this...one, sticky fingers kinda seems more metaphorical than literal in this poem like you were initially saying you were stealing fruits...two, I don't think "meat" would be right word to describe the core of the fruit that has left overs on the seed. But for the most part it sounds like you're just telling your basic story |
| On July 22nd 2009 Bellaboo09 Said: |
| Makes me hungry. lol might have to drive up to georgia now. |
| On July 22nd 2009 OmfgJJsikBITCH Said: |
| Yeah I was gonna say basicly the same thing, I like how it just kind of.. Flows. Haha, I loved it! |
| On July 22nd 2009 SKStories Said: |
| I really like this, you write very well. I like how everything flows well and the rymtm. |
| On July 22nd 2009 MauiWowies Said: |
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| Please comment, critique, and rate. Possible entry for the poetry contest |
