The Monster Inside Me

 The Monster Inside Me

                  The more spiteful I become, the more my eyes look numb...
                something inside me is awakened, and its there for his taking
           I pick at something until I strike a nerve, a fight started so fast there's no time to swerve.
    After my anger cools down , I realize what's happening here- I'm becoming my worst enemy.
    An alter ego that errupted two years ago, originating from a relationship - hateful and low.
    Even though, I keep him as far away from me as I can - he's still latched onto my ankle like
     a heavy ball and chain. "You'll never be happy," He might as well said - to which I would've            replied "Go drop dead."  As much as he was a "lesson well lurned" I'm the one who got burned. He's
   roaming around the "windy city" and torturing more girlfriends the way he treated me - but yet I still don't feel free. The past still haunts me to this day, a casual flinch when someone lifts their hand - re-living him I can not stand. It may be over but the battle has just begun - so far I am defeated, I have not won. I haven't shaken him yet from my everyday life - certain thing's bring him back like a robber in a alley with a knife. Wishing I could go a day without remembering the monster who enclosed me in his grasp, losing who I was, I was dying fast. Getting away with enough dignity to spare, I had to convince myself everyday that you never cared. Fully convincing myself that you were wrong for me, I thought I was going to finally be free. Now I look back and see how wrong I was, to assume just because it was "over" that everything wouldn't affect me later. I'm in a relationship now, two years later, and even now I can not shake the old things you did. The mind games, the name calling, the -almost-rape. Dating you was probably my biggest mistake. I continue to say it was a lesson "well learned" because if not for you, I would settle for less and not wait for the best. So here I am, standing as tall as I can, looking down at my ankle, awaiting the day I break from your monstrous grasp.