This is Hell

Crumbling to pieces,

I do not make a sound,

Listening to my heartbeat,

As I fall to the ground.

Holding my chest tight,

Unforgiving is the pain,

Keeping it inside,

There is nothing else to gain.

Whimpering, I move,

But the pain is way too deep,

Tears held in my eyes,

But I do not dare to weep.

Screaming in my mind,

But keeping my mouth shut,

Scared of what will happen,

As I make another cut.

Blood drips on the paper,

As I write my last goodbye,

Holding the pencil tightly,

As I slowly start to cry.

The papers soaked with tears,

The blood has stained the floor,

My note is on the table,

I close my eyes once more.

Standing up, I walk,

Towards the corner of my room,

And ball up on the floor,

As if it was my tomb.

The room is spinning round me,

And I want to make it stop,

The razor blade still in my hand,

I take another chop.

The pain seers up my arm,

And you would think it hurts,

But I don’t feel a thing,

It just stops all the alerts.

I close my eyes again,

As the dizziness is making me sick,

I think of a happy place,

A forest beside a creek.

The image starts to darken,

And my life passes before my eyes,

Suddenly I want it to stop,

Though I know that everyone dies.

It’s too late now,

I can see the light ahead,

I smile as I walk towards it,

No more pain or dread.

The next morning I was watching,

As I sat up in the sky,

My parents walked into my room,

And I had to watch them cry.

I wanted to look away,

Because it hurt more than the blade,

I wanted to go and comfort them,

Even though I disobeyed.

My mom died of cancer,

One month after I was gone,

My dad shot himself,

He just wanted to be withdrawn.

I had to watch as they died,

And they walked towards the light,

I cried myself to sleep,

Knowing it’d never be alright.

I never saw them again,

Though in heaven they say you do,

But my parents must have hated me,

I can’t say I wouldn’t have to.

I sit in the clouds all day,

And I watch the people die,

I don’t think this is heaven,

‘Cause in heaven you’re not supposed to cry.

This must be what hell is,

To watch the world go by,

I know why I was sent here though,

I made my family die.