perfect excuse for being pulled ove

Late one night, a guy, we'll call him Jim, was speeding down the road when he saw flashing lights behind him, so he pulled over. 

When the cop approached Jim's window, Jim pleaded, "Please officer, I'm in a hurry, I'm late for my job."

The cop asked, " What do you do?"

Jim replied, "I'm a rectum stretcher. I go to peoples houses when they need me, and stretch their rectums. First I start with one finger, then work until I have both my hands, and eventually stretch it out till its about 6 feet wide."

The cop, with a befuddled look on his face asked, "What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?!"

Jim again replied, "You give him a radar gun and a badge and hide him around a corner."