sum oldies and newbies

1) my husband and i divorced over religious differences, he thought he was God and i didnt

2) marriage is a three-ring circus:
engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering

3) for sale:
wedding dress, size 8
worn once-----by mistake

4) there are two times a man doesnt understand a woman:before marriage and after marriage

5) an old man goes to the wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. the wizard says "maybe but you will have to tell me the wxact words the were used to put the curse on you." the old man says without hesitation "i now pronounce you man and wife."

6) i was in th express lane at the store quietly fuming. completely ignoring the sign , the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "so which six items would you like to by?" wouldnt it be great if that happened more often?

7) the reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they passed.

8) smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. looking up, he asks the Lord..."God, what does a million years mean to you?"  the Lord replies, "a minute" smith asks, "and what does a million dollars mean to you?" the Lord replies "a penny" smith asks "can i have a penny?" the Lord replies "in a minute"