some funny jokes...

one day this guy was on his way to an etremly important interview. he has 20 mins. and he was stuck in traffic. so hes in the parking lot and hes driving around. he yells. god! god! if you give me a parking spot, ill donate 20 percent of my paycheck to charity. nothing happens. he has 15 min. so he yells. okay god! 35 percent. 10 mins. 50! 5 mins. 75! 2 mins left and he yells. 100 percent! god oh god PLEASE I NEED THIS 100 PERCENT!!!!he starts crying and crying and all of a sudden he sees a jeep pull out. he straightens up and says. NEVER MIND GOD... I FOUND ONE!!!and...there were these two guys who were really good their whole lives. so they are each 43. and they promise eachother. whoever dies first. and goes to heaven. will call the other and tell them all about it. and no sooner. one diesabout 2 months later. the first guy gets a call. hello? hey, its me! im calling you after i died. omgosh! i cant  believe it. wow, WOW!, so tell me how it is. oh, its great. we sleep for 12 hours or even 15 and our breakfast lunch and dinner is always a 8 ft. long buffet! and in between we just eat a snack...and chat!wow, said the (alive) guy i cant wait till i die and go to heaven. heaven? nono, im cow in kansas!there were two nuns, a blonde and a brunnette driving on theyre way to the church when all of a sudden, a vampire jumped out at them quick~! show him your cross. says the brunnette. right, so the blonde gets out of the car and screams what the hell is your problem! this is a BRAND NEW BMW!!!!!'i know that this last one was already posted! so you dont have to tell me to get my own jokes...