Talking cars (Standup)

you ever seen one of those cars that talk, like u get out the car and it say *ding* 'lights are on'. it's a trip, I took a girl out on a date and left the lights on on purpose, and soon as we got out the car it goes *ding* 'lights are on'. She said to me 'did your car just talk to you?' I said yeah. But I got a new one from my neighborhood, whole new style, u leave the lights on car goes *ding* 'Say man u left your lights on, I said u left your lights on, what the f&*k u blind and deaf?' 'Turn off your fu^&in' lights'. The other day I got in the car, put the key in car said *ding* 'Hey man someone stole your battery'. 'I say we get the motherf&*(er'.