28 rules of manhood

28 Rules Of Manhood.
Current mood: crappy
Category: Life

The 28 Rules of Manhood:

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an
umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her
blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying
Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may
be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must
bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his
sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry
her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's
fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the
temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
present for another man. In fact, even remembering
your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that
point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines
pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting
event, you may ask the score of the game in progress,
but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after
you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head
under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink
only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and
it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's
free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril
are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you
didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must
be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge
of the game and the ability to drink as much as the
other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively
dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd
better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a
friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex
pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man
while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are
on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting
in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman
to go on longer than you are able to have sex with
her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly
"just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the
fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason
for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is
not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown,
pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you
want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know
what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating
or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

side note....

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know
the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with
the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom,
and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or
are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the
guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your
collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the
balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion,