The Guys' Rules

1. Men are not mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Just let it be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

11. If youthink you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

13. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

14. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

15. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

16. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

17. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

18. You have enough clothes.

19. You have too many shoes.

20. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

21. I know, I know, I now have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping!