Measure it.

  A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. 

He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the 

monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up

on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, 

sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
   
The bartender is livid and says to the guy, 

"Did you see what your monkey just did?"
   
"No. What did that stupid shit do this time?" 

says the patron.
   
"Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool 

table, whole" says the bartender.
   
"Yeah, well I hope it kills the fucker because he's 

been driving me nuts" says the patron.
   
   The guy finishes his drink and leaves.
   
Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey. 

He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild

 around the bar again. While the man is drinking his 

drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar.

 He grabs one, sticks it up his ass, 

then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is

 disgusted.
   
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
   
"What now?" responds the patron. 

"Well, he stuck a peanut up his ass, then pulled it 

out and ate it" says the bartender.
   
 "Well, what do you expect?" replied the patron.

 "Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he

 measures everything first!!!"