More funny quotes and sayings...

Again not my work but really who has original stuff on here anyways... ENJOY!!!

-Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

-If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

-When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

-I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

-For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

-Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

-If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

-When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

-Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have film.

-You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

-I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

-Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

-Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

-Death is hereditary.

-There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

-A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

-Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

-When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

-Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

-Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

-Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

-They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

-Always borrow money from a pessimist.  He won't expect it back.

-I like work.  It fascinates me.  I  sit and look at it for hours.

-If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

-Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

-Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.