"i'm innocent!"

Little boy comes home from catholic school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, "How many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"

"No son," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women."

Sure enough, the very next day the boy came home with the other eye black and blue. 

The father said, "Again? I thought we had a talk!"

"But Dad," he said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"