I am American

I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or generally well-liked.

I don't live in a clean place, I don't eat nutritiously very often, and I don't drive well.

I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg.

Although I'm certain they weren't American.

I drink beer.....not good beer. I don't use utensils when eating.

I believe in guns for settling disputes, not discussions.

And I pronounce it AIN'T, not AREN'T.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack

...until I go anywhere, and what's the point in doing that.

Burger King IS fine dining. Cracker Jack IS a vegetable and WWF wrestling is real.

The UNITED STATES is the ONLY country in the world,

The FIRST nation of ignorance, and the BEST part of South America!

My name is Johnny Bob Jimmy Joe Ray...

...AND I AM AMERICAN!