Little Billy....

Little Billy on Life:

Billy was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." 
Billy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
"Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
"No" replied Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!"
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Little Billy on Philosophy:

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Billy. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Billy says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Billy replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
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Little Billy on Math:

Billy returns home from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father."

"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied Billy.

"But ! that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father?

"That's what I said!"
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Little Billy on English:

Billy goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Billy says " Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow Billy, that's a mouthful."
Billy says,

"No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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Little Billy on Grammar:

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First she called on Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.

She then called on Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." The teacher responded,
"Excellent, Michael!"

Then, she reluctantly called on Billy. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful"