Divorce Letter

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.

I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show

for it.

These last two weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job

today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that

I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal

and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.

You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep

after watching all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want

sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me or

you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me.

Your SISTER and I are moving away to West

Virginia together!

Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for seven

years, although a good man is a far cry from what

you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your

constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the

first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like

a girl!'

Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you

can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have

gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped

eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you

because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and

I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had

just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we

could work it out.

So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit

my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica .. But when

I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you

won't get a dime from me.

So take care

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S.

I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister

Carla was born Carl.

I hope that's not a problem !